Heidi

Yeah,
I
'm feeling a lot better.
I
can't talk

a lot louder because my jaw
is
kinda locked up.

Um,
I
got, um,
I
got a slight eyebrow 

lift and that's why
I
have these staples in my head.

Yeah, that's permanent. No, 

I
had my nose
redone. 

I
had my own fat
injected into my cheeks.

I
had my ears
pinned back.

I
had injections in my lips.

I
had my chin
shaved down.

I
had my breasts
redone and
my back
shaped and a little bit
of inner and outer lipo
done.

Mom, there's brain surgery
every day. 

There are huge surgeries
every day;
it was completely
necessary.

Well, you know, growing 

up
I
put water
balloons in
my bra.

Are you telling
me
you don't think
I
look good?

Do
I
look good?

You don't have to support it, 

but you have to realize 

what
I

've been through.

I

feel better than ever, as dramatic

and crazy as it was.

I

couldn't be happier with the results.

Plastic,

thank you.

I

think that

I

just wanted 

to be happier, and

I

couldn't fix 

who

I

was being upset with who

I

was 

on the outside.

And, that's great for you, and you 

live in the mountains. 

You don't live where


I


live,


so it's a different world.




Of course it does.

I


don't


want


to


get




into




this





right






now,







I







really








don't.

Mmm hmm,











I












can't













really
















chew it.

You can always wear socks so 
the virus does not penetrate 
deep inside your skin.
 
I am not sure why we sleep.
 
It was as if daylight had changed 
with unnatural suddenness, as if 
the temperature of evening had altered greatly 
in an instant or as if the air 
had become twice as rare or 
twice as dense as it had been 

in the winking of an eye.

The Wind Inside

no island
that is not how anything works
no one everything, some nothing but
that is nothing
isolate the parts
check the body for ticks
come up with

the walk took less than an hour
the mood was our pace
whispers from the undergrowth
limbs raising like diaphragms
immeasurable particulate expansion

nothing superfluous
time is something else
the specter in the white blouse
that draws out only
a little money
home to a rocky farm
a life that will not be easy

inventions of a self foreshadow
all behaviors invent
ideas thereabout -- correct
am this feel this -- so
in accordance with
selected having selected

the feelings not the words
are the dictation
these words' encumberances distract
instinctual suicide
the disembowlment of one of

Pop Song

Don't wanna walk S-O-L-O
(No, no, no)
I don't wanna walk S-O-L-O

"Oo uh oh, oh uh oh,
Oo uh oh oh oh uh oh,"

I don't wanna walk S-O-L-O

And I don't wanna go, go
I don't wanna go, go
I don't wanna it no, no
I don't wanna it no, no
I don't want to walk this earth
If I gotta do it solo (solo)

Cuz I was so high
And now I'm so low
And I don't wanna walk around alone,(solo)
Said I don't want to walk this earth
If I gotta do it solo (solo, solo)

Man

Go die in cyberspace, put that in there
or put your head on his shoulder.
There that's better, put that in there.
Yes, who is this? Hiya, Rick.
How are you doin', buddy? I tried
to stick up for you at the golf course today,
but I heard you're fired.
Calm down, I'm kidding.

invalidity like

the air off center horizon dipped beyond the range of compromise
slowly as the wind beside stood still doused in expectant everything
waiting but waiting paying for time with time without pockets as empty as
i don't expect anything except everything and i won't accept anything
feed my pockets holding little things to shut them in on myself think
about the last time thoughts meant it was a wednesday and on wednesday
i understood wednesday just as well as i understood which is just as much
as i feed my hands other bodies to shut them up sand castles at low tide pay
for time with symmetry play for time bartering urgency for posterity
do you mind this tempest will straddle the coast
it tastes like water and feels like hell and well i am a woman a question
found at my own feet solid ground as rarely as possibly i don't eat
what isn't nailed down don't speak when i am not spoken too loudly
no one lets me know sleep without my head beneath a crown of gold hair
so shed my case in case the clause would mean you are not the weaver
here evening fell upon something before how to call any of it the darkness
from the light the waters from the waters a tournament ground from sky
beast from burden fall from fall who had it right sitting like shades
in the only place while naming everything without each other
just call it the most is lie teach forever through practice

vivifier

dispense with all devotional preliminaries

paroxysms of bewailed youth

mere fillips on the tip of the nose 

dahlias arson the Great Room 

waists of blazing red

burnished bodies as pale as the wall 

soft he was an ulcer melting into every limb

an uncovered head released
before reciting the benediction

Dr. Griffiths said: an 

improved outlook on life 

after an experience in 

which the boundaries 

between the self 

and others disappear. 

In interviews, Dr. Martin 

and other subjects described 

their egos and bodies vanishing 

as they felt part of some larger 

state of consciousness in which 

their personal worries and insecurities 

vanished. They found 

themselves reviewing past relationships 

with lovers and relatives 

with a new sense of empathy. 

Dr. Grob writes, “individuals 

transcend their primary identification 

with their bodies and experience 

ego-free states before the time 

of their actual physical demise, 

and return with a new perspective 

and profound acceptance of the life 

constant: change.”

if
your mind wears it
don't button your lip

killers don't get heard about

they get whispered about

before you get murdered, ouch 

poets and gangsters

spend stacks of paper, fingers

riding those triggers of theirs

i know what a g is

because it is

a letter

this hood got choppers, so

don't fuck with the turf

simple as that

we all scoop gold 

by the skirtful and try to

die without remorse

Brenda

If she had only been

slightly not Brenda...

but then would I have

loved her?

I did not look very much

longer, but took 

a train that got me into Newark

as the sun rose on the first day.

John

dearly beloved so-and-so

I came here to tell you 

you are special

but you are adopted

I don't mean to be rude

but you are very special

you are part of a design

you do realize that, don't you

doubt this is a sign of things

to come, greatness

oh, John

don't you understand

you don't have a father

you were 

immaculately 

conceived

considering the difficulties which men have had to hold to

living with dead people

can just be so like

an omnipotence paradox

the will as though it were the best-known thing in the world

if something can do anything,

then it can limit its own ability to perform actions

and hence it cannot perform all actions,

we were in class when the head-master came in

yet, on the other hand,

if it cannot limit its own actions,

then that is something it cannot do

how crazy it was before the blizzard hit

still god is omnipotent

despite failings of logic

or poetic grace

one more in the back, several people fighting

but if the stone could really be

so fucking heavy

god couldn't lift it

wealth without work, worship without sacrifice

despite having created it

to prove all-mightiness

from one pole of divinity to another

once upon a time and a very good time it was

well, you know

it just makes the whole game show

seem a little trite

Stephen, an elbow rested on the jagged granite, leaned

got a thing i'd like to say

to you forever and ever

so quite like and not really

at all different for similarity

between closed doors

very cannibal and then

slight indifference because

earth is entity among lifetime

viewers and the sky appears

to those who wish to see it

i've seen it in you and back

to the basics always noctural

the raccoon returns to the hideaway

as night wanes and day waxes

poetic like the second chance

i laughed because he is my friend

but it meant nothing and lies

constructed chaos theory articulates

the universe between idea and action

touch you touch me touching touched to be

we wonder don't we

at the moon and it's behind

something other than a mask tonight

the drawbridge bends and then it breaks

like misfire and repeated mistakes

love letter

some got gold and oil and diamonds

A to J with varying shades

of heart pictures, the hope

that one could still love anything

that contained nothing new

look back to the early days,

that indescribable pleasure

heightened and improved by time

no dreary years of absence could efface

the dear untitled man

soothe the solitary hour

as there are few occurrences

in this northern climate, at this season

diversions and entertainments are sparse

save for the domestic

E to R, the fullness

must be in proportion to the vacancy,

the long wilderness without the blossoming

capacity of the silver flood

where I should stand to disbelieve my own fate

"bashful
dalliance she dances
with the board shorts
spectres of the apocrypha"

oh
bric-a-brac do or 
can you understand 
how much this means

avail yourself, gentle miscreant

wine 

pours 

down 

the

throat:

beneath what this body showed you

cream conscience distills

to a flinch,

long hands burrow in the dirt

 

i can control my

  anatomy my anatomy

can control my

  thoughts my

indefinite whose are you

in no abyss

for him and not for me

so ruffled inside the downy sanctuary

of genius, i am no stranger

Bertrand Russell, I'll take your mathematics
as surely as poetry
if you take my name in vain

I dare you
will never utter
a truer word

Vanity, O great Queen
off-radar submarine weaponry
how stealthily you ravage thee
the heavy sink for a reason

O Vanity, with ten million
hostile mannequins
equipped with Pythagorean sorcery

Axel Rose ratios
Galileo
Erdös
this one's from The Book

Come over here, Kepler

show me how hard
those Platonic solids really are
I'll marry you
we'll live in the Royal Oaks

eternally, O Vanity
it goes goes goes goes
elegant as quadratic reciprocity
between elliptical curves

astonishing and young
Balaam and his donkey
there is too much
that you have not heard
nothing before my birth
ever really happened
our meeting bore dark lines
on the brow of heaven
our saint has been beheaded
his widow is colourless
like an eyelid or the moon
an elongated blue jay
singing anthems to a stadium
of worms and Allah
will love you always
for the rest of us
get out some one way
behind double-breasted
Monk Eastman suits
sunburned retinas
on an old Harley
without the muffler

clouds sleep in on Earth
when you say
the first thing I saw was Tijuana
beneath our mother's hair

spill juice anywhere
transplant billboards with
eyes shooting petals
until the sidewalk ends near that Bugatti

it may have been
a cranberry
orange scone
heated up with Irish butter

the difference is an oblong
muscled from dawn
to wiry thistles underfoot
at dusk something like Exodus

adjunct recollective
how well I remember
luminaries in black synesthesia
leeching liquor in veins

you wouldn't look
to find a bishop here
is the compass
the terror of the dead buccaneer